The Beauty Of It All.

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Hello Y’all! Hope you are doing well in your part of the world? It’s been great in North Texas right until I remembered that school will be back in session real soon; I literally went from a solid six to a two…on the ‘patience for traffic’ scale and yes, I made that up LOL. Anyways, I am going to savor the nicely flowing traffic with the occasional wreck here and there before the madness begins. The high point of my week has been my discovery of one of my favorite ice cream places very close to my work – simple pleasure of life get me everytime.  But on a more serious note, there has been so much going on in the news lately. The saddest and most horrendous things have happened in quick succession that burying my head in the sand or pretending that it does not exist is no longer an option.

Hmmm…(Sigh)

These days people are afraid of people. Afraid to interact. People react because of a mindset that expects a negative outcome even when there isn’t a threat and I feel we are slowly being conditioned so much so that we isolate ourselves thereby widening the wedge between us as people, as humans. Life is too short to keep walls when there are tremendous opportunities to be gained by interaction and community and I am not just writing this but I am speaking to myself as well. Now, I’m not recommending going out and hugging strangers on the street but just having an open mind about every circumstance we find ourselves in before concluding the worst.  My life Mantra that I try to follow is to:

Give everyone a clean slate…to show you who they really are.

Until then, I feel like we can make use of those freed up brain cells for doing more relaxing or productive things instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop…which in most cases never does; or when it does drop, it’s the ones we don’t expect that surprise us the most.  We live in a fallen world and there will always be bad things or bad breaks happening all around us (and even to us sometimes) but the goal is to be able to see the beauty of life despite the negativity, despite the trials. I’m not a good horse rider but I love love the idea of the blinders they place on the horses head that force it to keep looking straight ahead and not at the noise and distractions happening on each side. I made up my mind a long time ago to not let people, events or bad breaks make me cynical, hardened and bitter. In my opinion, that’s too much power that no one deserves to have over me. I decided not to let a bunch of bad apples ruin the bunch – whatever that means or however it applies to you and I.

Anyways, Fall is around the corner and before you know it, we will start our progression towards the years end. Until I come your way again, stay safe, upbeat and open to the things we do find beautiful in life.

 

Periwinkle Starr

 

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Boundaries: The Key to a Healthier You!

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Hello beautiful people!! Its been a fun minute since my last post. I hope you’re doing well in your part of the world. I am so excited for the weather like you won’t believe. The warmth is here. There’s more daylight to enjoy and the Duchess of Sussex JUST HAD A BAYBAY!! Anyways just  like I always say, when it comes to the weather, we can never be happy for any extended period of time so I have resigned myself to the new norm – enjoy it until you don’t! This week I’m writing about something that’s very important to our existence as human beings and it’s called boundaries; so grab a cup of tea, some biscuits and get comfy.

In the past, I always thought of boundaries as something on the external, outside of me. Ever hear of the term, ‘they invaded my personal space’. Its often used to describe physical things – separate or outside of ourselves but there is a different way of looking at it. A boundary is something that bounds or limits according to the Urban Dictionary…

My Definition of Boundaries

What I will or will not permit, what I will or will not accept, what I will or will not yield myself to either in my emotional, mental, or physical experience as a human being.

In life, there are things we have control of  and there are  things we have no control over. An example would be setting off on a trip with no control as to what happens after you leave your home to get to your said destination. Whatever comes your way during your journey – you need not get worked up or attempt to burst a blood vessel because – it’s out of your control.

Boundaries are not just physical barriers that we put up to protect, preserve or maintain order but it can also be emotional, mental as well as spiritual boundaries. Without it, we would descend into chaos. Without boundaries, we would be out of sync and we would lack peace within ourselves and I mean the peace that radiates from the inside out not the faux zen with a thriving volcano seething just beneath the surface. Here are a few areas of life where I believe you and I need to maintain healthy boundaries in order to function at our optimal best. If we are lacking or out of sync in one or more of these areas, we might need to take a closer look and re-evaluate our reality.

•   Boundaries Within Families. It is very important to have boundaries between spouses, between parents and children and between siblings because these are the closest points of influence to us. When healthy boundaries exist in a family unit, it’s great but when it’s lacking, it could be hell-ish.

•   Social Boundaries – These are your interactions with people in your social circle. It’s very vital to surround yourself with healthy, upwardly mobile and those who make you grow in ways that pleasantly surprise even you. If there’s drama, gossip, knit picking and all kinds of elementary school foolery; it’s thank you – NEXT according to Ariana Grande.

•   Work/Life Boundaries.  A saying I can never forget says, ‘Work is a part of life. Work is not equal to life’. If you find yourself spending more time at work instead of with family, I believe it’s time to break the cycle and re-establish our boundaries again. By the way, there’s nothing to feel guilty about because we’ve all faltered at some point in our lives and will continue to do so. The goal is to enjoy life and not strive for unhealthy perfection.

•   Mental Boundaries. This is taking responsibility for your own mental health, wellness, and growth. Life happens to everyone and our goal (you and I) is to choose the right things to focus on in spite of our life circumstances. Knowing when to look at the big picture of events and when to zoom in to the fine details of life is key.  Getting facials and massages are nice but being responsible for your own mental growth and overall well being is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

•   Re-Learning the Art of ‘NO’. Have you watched a toddler that’s learning to speak. My guess is their favorite word is no. Even for the things that they do need..ha ha! Now, that’s a little too extreme but I find that there are grown adults who have literally forgotten the art of saying no. They are bent out of shape and stretched too thin by takers who care nothing about the fact that these kind souls are literally ripping at the seams and cannot muster the courage to JUST SAY NO. We have all been there and done it at some point and there is no shame or judgement here. But a time comes when you come to yourself, you realize that even if you gave all you had including the very last drop of blood in your body to these people or person, it would never be enough. This realization is the beginning of freedom which in turn leads to the re-establishment of boundaries.

So feel free to like and share your thoughts and comments with me. I hope you enjoy the weather while its still ‘nice’ out. Until I come your way again, I remain

 

Periwinkle Starr

Looking Back And Moving Forward

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Hello Y’all!! Happy New Month! I hope you are doing well in your part of the world? Its been pleasant so far and I’m waiting on more consistent weather to set out on new adventures for 2019. It just dawned on me that the last adrenaline adventure I was on was when I went kayaking on Lake Grapevine, so me and some friends are getting warmed up for that…hopefully the weather in north Texas cooperates.

I love quiet moments every now and then because I get to relax and ponder on a lot of things – which involve amazing everyday experiences, stressful situations or not so pretty moments; and yes, we ALL have experienced these situations at some point in our lives or the other.  With growing up, it’s very easy to look at life through a lens of items to be accomplished that sometimes we can get too busy and never take time off to process the journey so far. This is no ones fault by any long shot…I’ll blame it on technology and having a million and two things vying for my attention 24/7.

Sometimes its good to take time just to process your journey through life and how far you’ve come, how much you’ve grown, what you’ve learned and how you can do better.  I was hanging out with a bunch of friends a few days ago, and Jordan (not his real name) told us that every year on his birthday, he goes on an adventure to a different location. His goal is to find a place that is peaceful and quiet where he can relax, unwind and think clearly on what he’s accomplished the past year and what he wants to do for the coming year.

Wow! I found it interesting – coming from a guy because us ladies tend to do that more often than just once a year especially when you get those hormonal dips and spikes in continuous tandem…ha ha. No matter your ethnicity, whether you’re rich or poor, or where you were raised, there is something that happens to us all, and it’s called LIFE!  Often times, it’s so easy to forget how far we’ve come and the things we endured or worked hard to achieve in order to get to where we are now. We can very easily begrudge ourselves any kudos because of the goals we have not yet attained instead of looking at how far we have come and just being plain-ole thankful.

Reminiscing On The Past…

♣   Makes me thankful…I’m still here if not anything else.

♣  To be a bit more empathetic to the people I meet in every day life.

♣  To learn to be firm – you know what works and what doesn’t.

♣  Learning to dig my heels in when facing tough situations.

♣   Learning to sharpen my instinct and trust my gut.

♣   I’ve learned to pick my battles.

♣  I can laugh heartily at myself!

♣   Wisdom! There’s just something about someone whose been there and done that.

♣  Finding a way to process and make peace with all and any…

I read something that had a profound impact on me the other day, it said “Unharmed prosperity cannot endure a single blow” says Seneca, but a man/woman who has gone through countless misfortunes “acquires a skin calloused by suffering”. This man fights to the ground and carries on the fight even on his knees. He will never give up!

I hope you feel pumped, encouraged and fired up after reading this post but better still, I hope you take time for yourself to look back at how amazing your journey has been and how you want to move forward – in the best direction possible! Do like, comment and follow this blog for more posts from…

 

Periwinkle Starr!

 

Time Awaits No One.

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Hello Y’all! I hope you are doing well in your part of the world? Its that time in the year that we get to layer on and feel like we belong with our mid-western cousins who are duking it out in the snow.  Speaking of snow, it snowed this past weekend in Dallas but it melted before we could see it talk less of getting a few snapshots of it. :/ Growing up, there were a lot of proverbs I learned in primary school. One of them is ‘a stitch in time saves nine’. It was something always quoted by my teachers at school and all my childhood mind could decipher as to it’s meaning was to get my homework done on time so I don’t get disciplined.

My Definition of Time

I love to look at time in a different light than just the two hands of a clock or a number on a calendar. To me, ‘Time is a silent witness that stays with us all of our days on this planet’. We think we have it in abundance until we wake up one day and find out that we have little of it left. We can embrace it for what it is or we can be trapped in it. I do not consider it to be a fair donor in the sense that every one of us is allocated a different portion of it all through our lives.

Being an avid listener, I am used to hearing people I speak with tell the same story multiple times. These stories are almost imprinted in my memory that I can mimic the dates and facial expressions when they start with, ‘In 1964, it was a cold Sunday…’. I see the way the eyes light up in animation and how they stare wistfully into space as they re-live the moment. They’re bodily present but absent in the mind. Its almost like pieces of their lives are trapped in moments of time where even their sense of smell is rekindled. Some get a taste on their lips just by reliving old memories of eating certain meals – that my friends, is the power of the human mind.

The Downside

Just the same way we remember pleasant events, we can also be trapped in unpleasant or distasteful events. A lot of times, we can get stuck in events – some of our doing and others we have no control over. The sad part is that sometimes we aren’t even aware that we’re stuck, we’re trapped in certain events without realizing that the world has moved on all around us. I was watching an episode of Ghost Adventures, this time they were investigating an orphanage that was closed down due to the abuse and mistreatment of the children during that time. One of the kids, who was now an old man was brought in and he talked about how he was beaten by the warden for no apparent reason on many occasions. In my opinion, he was a grown man but in his mind he was still a small boy trapped in that orphanage.

It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way

The truth is this: Time waits for no one and YOU/I are not going to waste another second of another day trapped in a situation or frozen in time from an event that no longer matters. Here’s how to be unstuck!

♥Acknowledge the event for what it is – good or bad.

♥Think deeply about it.

♥Make Peace With It

♥Force yourself to grow beyond the situation.

♥Get up. Get back into the game of life and LIVE!!

So until I come your way next time, like, comment and follow my blog. I remain,

 

 

Periwinkle Starr♥

 

 

 

A Perfect Christmas!

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Hello Y’all!! Its been a minute since my last post. Hope you are doing great in your part of the world? It’s the season to be merry and the countdown to Christmas has begun. Traffic has been a bear over the past couple of days without any respite. But in some weird way…I am not complaining. 😘😎 The activities are endless with everything from parties, plays, secret Santa’s and shopping…lots of it. We get to spend quality time with family and close friends but for some its just another holiday they hope to get through and quickly.

It’s been a very eventful and busy year. The year has had its up and ups and some lows in between as any year would bring. The key is not to loose sight of the highs because it’s oftentimes the norm for us to focus on the lows. One of my mantras for 2018 was to live with no regrets. To go to sleep each day knowing that I did good in the world and if I didn’t solve any problems at least I didn’t start any. To have healthy boundaries and to be mindful of my energy and state of mind at any given time.

A Perfect Christmas?

Is there any such thing as a perfect Christmas? In my opinion, Christmas quite frankly is what you make of it. Whether you are married or single, have family or no family. Whether you have a bunch of friends, or you have no friends. Whether you have multiple pets or no pets at all. There isn’t any such thing as a perfect Christmas. Some common sayings I hear a lot are ‘you get to pick your friends but you don’t pick your family’. How about ‘life’s a b***h and then you die’. 😒😱It can go downhill really fast and it doesn’t do you any good. One of my mantras for 2018 was to live with no regrets.

It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way

Holidays can be tough for some, especially when there are unresolved family matters or strained relationships. It could be very superficial for others, where the primary focus is on having everything perfect and denying the real underlying issues or choosing not to speak of them. But Christmas can be fun for others. It can be messy, un-perfect but still filled with love and happiness. Life is way too short to waste on things that don’t matter.

Admitting where you are in life. Being honest – no matter what that means to you – allows the universe help you. When you are open to receiving help, you will find a way.

Kick down those walls. To have genuine relationships, you need to be a genuine person that people can relate to. This is a ‘duh statement’ but oh so true. Don’t you wonder about those people who have a zillion social media friends but no true human connections or people to reach out to when they feel really low.

Don’t be afraid to reach out. Some where along the path of life, we picked up this ‘I don’t need nobody’ mentality. You have to retrain your brain. You are a human being. You need other humans 😀 Yes, you might have chosen bad humans in the past or unknowingly fell into the wrong hands but there are a million good ones out there. You only need to be more discerning the next time.

Talk about it. One of my favorite sayings is ‘ a problem shared with a trusted friend is half-solved!

Make it good this year. Call that old friend or family member. Go out and help make Christmas happen for someone less fortunate than yourself. Send presents to that old aunt of yours. Instead of waiting for great things to happen to you, get up, go out and make it happen for yourself!

May your Christmas be filled with the friendly chatter of family, until I come your way again and I promise you that it would be sooner. I remain

Periwinkle Starr😘

P.S. I had my tree up a little early and had to share. 😀

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Near Death Experience…New Outlook on Life

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Happy New Month Y’all!! Can you believe its July already? Well, I can. Time flies by when your’re fully occupied. One of my favorite things of the season is being able to dress lighter; you can almost never go wrong with all those insanely bright colors. I finally (rolling eyes) got around to packing up my winter clothes and making room for my summer clothes…LOL, so don’t be down on yourself if its the middle of the year and you haven’t organized your closet space yet. Now, as much as I love writing about all things ‘light’, fun and positive; I also love to write about deep life experiences and the lessons I learned in the process. Today’s post is one of those.

That Fateful Day.

One sunny day, years ago; I had gotten some time off and wanted start my day with running a few errands before settling in to chill, relax and take it easy. I made a stop at a Goodwill store to drop off some items I had kept for so long but couldn’t find the time to give away. I remember driving down the road about 5 miles from home and getting close to one of the traffic lights on my way. It was green as I approached it and suddenly changed to yellow the closer I got to the light. It remained on yellow for longer than a light would usually be and so I decided I would cross it.

All I remember was seeing a huge dark shadow come from the my side and in a split second, all I felt and heard was ‘Bam’!! I saw myself in the car but it felt like I wasn’t bound by gravity. It reminds me of those car collision tests with dummies where the impact is recorded and replayed in slow motion. My car somersaulted 3 times and landed on its roof.

I was hanging upside down supported by my seat belt when the daze started to wear off. The windshield was cracked, the doors were smashed in – totally destroyed. There was shattered glass all around me. I reached for the door but couldn’t get it to open. The window in the back seat to the right was busted open and this was going to be the only way to get out of the car. I released the seat belt lock and hit the roof. There were pieces of glass that cut my hands and knees as I crawled out of the car.

By this time, people rushed to help. The paramedics, the police and more people came unto the scene. My car was rammed on the driver’s side by a black Ram truck. As I was been attended to, one of the questions I was asked was how I came out of the car and how possible it was that I had just a few cuts on my knees and hands. There were measurements taken of the window I had crawled out of and all the police could say was ‘you are an extremely lucky lady’. The car was totaled. The emotional trauma was so much, it took me a couple of months to remember everything that actually happened because all my body did was kick-in in that moment to survive.

A Faulty Traffic Light.

That particular light was shut down and covered for repairs 2 days later; and even though I was given a ticket, I didn’t care to dispute it or go to court to prove anything…I was just happy and so grateful to be alive. All I wanted was for the whole ordeal to be over and done with…fast! I needed to get on with life.

My Outlook On Life Since Then…

Life is so fragile. A split second is all it takes and it can be all over. Knowing this reality humbled me in so many ways, I can’t even begin to explain.

I became a more compassionate human.

My empathy for ‘ALL’ suffering grew. Now I wasn’t exactly an ice queen by any chance but I did have some frosting..ha ha. This experience taught me to feel for others and not just those within my sphere of life.

Dissatisfied with all things specious.

Learning to forgive ‘quicker’. Life is too short. We are not and will never be perfect. Each of us sees life through our own perspective of what we believe to be right about the world. With that been said, some things are not worth the drag – what if the person you hold a grudge against passes suddenly and you didn’t speak because of something not worth it after all.

I keep it moving. There’s a sense of urgency to push ahead and not hold unto things, ideals or pattern of action that aren’t working or delivering the desired results.

Appreciative of every single day. Every day is not perfect but you’re alive! You can still dream and it’s not too late to change or try something new.

My belief in a higher power. Nothing else but the Big Guy up there watching over me.

Thanks for reading. Hope y’all have a fabulous month ahead and get to enjoy some amazing fireworks on the 4th! Until I come your way again, I remain

 

Periwinkle Starr

 

 

 

Anthony Bourdain: A Friend in my Mind

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Friday morning was a mad dash. I was off to two different offsite meetings before heading back to work. At almost mid-day was when I looked up my twitter feed. In that moment, I felt like my heart skipped a beat. It read “Anthony Bourdain was found dead by suicide”. I didn’t really understand what it meant; I had just watched the last episode  of Parts Unknown on sunday so he was still pretty fresh in my mind. This week was awful for the entertainment industry, first Kate Spade and now Anthony. I was puzzled, sad, wondering, afraid, questioning all at the same time. Lets take a walk back to how he became a friend – in my mind.

An Authentic Human Being

Anthony Bourdain was a real and authentic human being. He had money, success, fame but he knew those things did not exempt him from life – the daily struggles of anyone alive on this planet. He was who he was and he wasn’t ashamed of it. His love of travel and of food took him all over the globe. He was curious about cultures different from his, intrigued about how people lived, their values and the things that set them apart from other groups. There had to be more to a person or groups of people and Bourdain understood that.

There was a humility about him; he was willing to travel to remote parts of the world to sit with total strangers, share a meal and just listen. He gave others a chance to paint their own pictures, an opportunity to tell their own story – not the scripts written by people outside their experience. He ate any where from the best restaurants in world to eating on street corners and in back alleys; on many occasions trying things from menu’s that some of us wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. This part of him I could so relate to because I have gotten sick so many times from tasting and trying different cuisines in the past that I made up my mind to live vicariously by watching Parts Unknown and the Travel Channel.

He had things that he struggled with, that was no secret. It was said that he ran from his demons but not fast enough. Could it be that if he had taken time to acknowledge the things he was struggling with instead of painting a different picture to the world, he might still be here. I remember his last visit to a remote village in Asia where he made an eerie comment saying ‘it would be the last time he would be back there’, – I cannot help but wonder if he already knew what he was going to do. So sad, sad indeed.

We can’t keep losing people like this.  Something as simple as talking to someone else can go a long way to being free. Diet, exercise and a healthy lifestyle coupled with rest help re-center and refresh the body. Being in close contact with family, friends and loved ones keep us emotionally balanced. Mental illness is no respecter of persons. An icon was lost and we pray for peace for his family at this time.

 

Periwinkle Starr